Today was my last day. It wasn’t too bad. Just packing and eating and being with Dillon. It was hard to say goodbye and I kinda had to run out before I started ugly crying on his porch.
Why is it that I’m literally going on an adventure, but I still feel like same old same old? Probably because I’ve known about it for a year. It’s not exactly spontaneous, but you can’t have it all, can you?
Anyways, so farewell Tumblr, and my friends, and Dr. Who and The Vlogbrothers, and Sherlock, and Facebook and all those lovely things that help me believe that my life is somehow more important or meaningful than it is. It’s going to be weird without you, but I think I’ll be able to make it.
Last day of school school tomorrow, and I get to come in late and do an art final. Whoot woot.
This is a “big step” in my life, ya know? No more high school. But…I feel surprisingly unexcited about it. It’s like when you’re 15 and it’s Christmas and you realize it’s not as exciting as it once was. I’ve been looking forward to not having to go to normal school for so long, that I feel like I left it a long time ago.
Okay so I’ve tried to do this before but nobody’s given a real response. I think the sailing blogs should reblog this so we can find each other! There are so many out there that I don’t know about and we should all be friends!!! Yayy!
“Some may call me naiive in my youth and ignorance, yet I can see much more clearly than some can ever hope to be enlightened in their age and experience, for my judgement is not hardened by the trials of time.”—Evelyn D’Aulaire
We’ve been through a lot together; Deeply emotional fights that ended with both of us clutching to each other, sobbing, dances that made me feel practically invincible, nights staring at the stars and talking about philosophy. We’ve shared kisses, food, blankets, beds, mittens, letters, music, sunscreen, and fishing rods. But most of all, we’ve shared love. You’ve been my crush, my enemy, my love, and my best friend. I can’t even being to imagine what the past two years would be like without you, and I don’t think I want to. There are few things in this world that have been able to change me in the ways you have changed me.
Looking back now, I think falling in love with you was maybe one of the best things I could have accidentally done. I don’t even know exactly when it happened, but I guess that’s one of my favorite things about us. I may get all upset sometimes because we’re not exciting, or fiery and passionate, but it turns out that we happen to be something that I love even more. We’re thoughtful. We’re caring, and gentle. Being in love with you isn’t late nights crying about loud fights that ended badly or some dramatic fallout. It’s a lazy stroll through sweet summer hay fields. It’s laying on the bank of a brook, watching the fish swim by. It’s dancing to old jazz music, and eating macaroni and cheese sauce and staring into your eyes for hours wishing we could just fall asleep together.
Loving you is the little things and the big things and sometimes you don’t even have to be remotely near me for me to feel it. Thoreau once said, "There is but one season in our hearts."
I think that for me, that season is you. Happy Anniversary, Dillon.
So I love the whole “Nerdfighter” thing because John and Hank make me feel like by just watching their videos I am somehow becoming a better person. They make me laugh, they teach me things, and they show me that I can be a thoughtful, caring person and all the while be fun and silly. Watching John’s video today about the Project for Awesome, I started thinking about how I’d like to be like them one day and do a lot of really awesome big stuff to decrease World Suck. And then I thought about helping by donating to the Indiegogo page. But then my reality checked in and I thought about how I don’t really have very much to give money wise because my Ocean Classroom stuff is going to take basically all I have right now.
And then I realized that something even more valuable thatI have to give other than money, is time.
I may not be able to change the world with my finances, and maybe this year will not be the year I can really do much of anything for the Project for Awesome that John and Hank have put together. But, I can do my own Project for Awesome. . Every day I will try to do at least one thing to make another person smile, or feel genuinely appreciated. I’ll talk to my Dad more, and smile at a stranger in the hallway. I’ll stay late after class to help a teacher clean up. I’ll bring some canned goods to my local food pantry. I’ll volunteer for a town project.
It’s not much, and I’m not going to change the lives of people in Uraguay, or Egypt, or Mongolia. But maybe I’ll help to make my own small community a nicer place to be in. Most of all, maybe if I start doing these things, other people around me will feel inspired to do little things as well. And I think maybe that’s what Nerdfighteria is really all about.
I’ve been putting off listening to Vulnerable, the last album because I heard it was very different, and I didn’t want to be disappointed with it like I was with the Last My Chemical Romance CD. But I shouldn’t have worried. They pulled through once again :) I’m not really even into angry teen angsty music anymore, but I still know that it’s good even if maybe I won’t listen to it every day for a year like I did when I was younger.
Every person is their own deserted island. We stare across the seemingly endless sea around us, wondering if anyone will ever come to visit, to help, to listen, to console us. So we run about madly gathering driftwood that we can set ablaze and send up a smoke stack hoping maybe someone will come rescue us. Fix us. But we’re all so busy doing this, that we don’t notice everyone else’s smoke stacks that are exactly like ours, and maybe not so difficult to get to. We don’t realize that if we just bucked up a little and made a raft, we’d actually save ourselves and we might save someone else.
You can’t count on other people to save you, to fix you, or to make you happy.
So stop sending up the smoke stack. Build a raft out of the wood you would have burned begging for help.
Vulnerability might feel terrible sometimes, but it’s one of the most important aspects of relationships. Vulnerability, it seems to me, is the exact same thing as confidence. If you can let yourself be vulnerable…pull a ridiculous dance move, dress like a fool, say something really honest about yourself, you’re making yourself vulnerable.
A lot of times you hear people say that what attracts them to a person is their confidence, but really what they mean is they are attracted to that vulnerability, because when you take down your walls, other people will be more comfortable taking down their walls with you.